I find myself (again) debating the yawnsome “iPads aren’t musical instruments” narrative with a music service.
But actually, they’re right. iPads aren’t (necessarily) musical instruments. And neither is anything else. Lots of pianos are just pieces of furniture to their owners. Vintage guitars make nice wall art for silicon valley CEOs. It’s what we do with these things that makes them musical.
What I do believe, informed by 30 years of music making, is that nothing inspires musical engagement, especially for young people and especially for people who face barriers to traditional instruments, like a well designed multi-touch software instruments. Which will need an iPad to run. Which is just another tool. Much like those wooden things with strings on. But it’s a tool that opens up a world of musical engagement for so many, and neatly pokes a hole in age old ideas about what a “proper” instruments are.
An aside: I’m reminded of a student who saw me use the gloves and said this about me: “Yeah, it’s clever, but he’s not a proper musician…” if I ever believe in a “proper” way of making music, then I hope I have the sense to throw in the towel… 😜
I’m a big fan of GGD’s Modern & Massive. I use it both on stage and in the studio; it’s my go-to drum kit.
My live show is powered by Ableton Live, but I often use Logic Pro X when recording. I do find programming drums in Logic’s Piano Roll to be fairly tedious. Thankfully, there’s a better way.
The relatively recent addition of a Step Sequencer in Logic makes for easier drum programming. When the feature first arrived, I was left still wanting clearer labelling options, but they have improved recently. With that, I’ve been able to create a template for quick programming of Modern & Massive in Logic Pro X.
This template is labelled up for all the kit parts in Modern & Massive. It’s also routed to multi-outputs. It’s not mixed, but it’s ready to go. I’ve also added a parallel compressor using Logic’s stock compressor for that smaaack.
Like a lot of Disabled people, I’ve been very worried about getting COVID. I was on the Government’s vulnerable list, and isolated for a very long time. Double jabbed (not boosted, mind) – but I’ve finally caught it.
It could be worse. It’s certainly not worse than the whole Tramadol withdrawal episode.
Lot’s going on at the moment. Will update as soon as I’m over the COVID thing.
Massive Trigger Warning: frank discussion of pain, medication and drug withdrawal.
Today feels significant. It’s been one year exactly since I lost took Tramadol, which was given to me for pain relief some 5 years previous. It’s a lot to think about. I’m not even sure what I want to say.
Most importantly, I don’t want to demonise pain medication. Many people I know live a better quality of life for taking pain meds, many people wouldn’t even be able to function without them. And early on, they improved my life no end too.
But it didn’t last. After a few years, I was trapped in a cycle. I was no longer getting any pain relief, I was just on a four times daily rollercoaster of warding off withdrawal drowsiness. I had a bunch of other cognitive and physical side effects that I had just put up with fo years, but I couldn’t take any more.
Going through withdrawal that at the height of a pandemic was a terrible idea. Opioid withdrawal is some serious shit. The first couple of weeks of Trainspotting sweats were the easy bit. Then came the panic attacks. The tremors. Uncontrollable anger. Constant agony through my whole body. Sleepless nights. What felt like heart attacks. I was in A&E several times a month for months. All in, I think it took about 6 months to approach normal. And with an overstretched NHS at the height of COVID, it was a big risk. In April 2021 I was finally diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder, believe to be caused by Tramadol. For me that manifested in Parkinson’s like-symptoms; shaking, ticcing, and constant anxiety. That diagnosis came as something of a relief; it gave something to make sense of what was happening to me.
Living with pain is hard. Managing it without medication is a big task. I have system. It’s all encompassing. I’ll talk about it another time. I’m wary of glorifying med-free life. Am I better off without Tramadol? Yes. Absolutely. Ableds, be warned; this is not a green flag to tell disabled people to throw away their meds. I hate pointing that stuff out, but this is not an inspirational tale. Everyone is different. I knew I was slowly being fucked up by them, and had to take the leap. I’m honestly feeling healthier now than I’ve ever felt.
Had I known a year ago what the following six months of hell would be, I doubt I’d have done it. After a few weeks, I thought I was dying. Angry determination set in. It wasn’t even about being medication free. I just wanted to see if I was strong enough to survive. Again, this is not advice. I was repeatedly warned of the dangers of sudden opioid withdrawal. I felt I could beat it though, and I did.
Life is still a bit one-day-at-a-time, but it’s getting better every day. I’ve no idea how I found the strength looking back, but I’m grateful that I did.
I debuted this song at the SAGE Gateshead Pay-Per-View in May. It’s a strange beast; like an REM song produced by Guy Sigsworth. That’s mostly what I do. Make the imaginary things real. These songs already exist, in a sense. I just have to be quiet enough to hear them.
I recorded a vocal I’m very happy with today. It takes a minute to find the voice for a song. It often feels like a song asks me to lean into something specific about my voice. This song, I was singing delicately. Cute maybe. It wasn’t working. The song wanted me to sound stronger. More authority. The lyrics are me singing to myself from the point of view of a parent. I guess that makes sense. The song wants me to be the adult in the story, not the child.
Always the child. I’m a 30-something teenager.
It’s nice to be back. I had a moment to focus. Press the red button. Connect the dots. Live with the song a while.
4 years ago today I was in Brussels representing @mtflabs at the @europeancommission headquarters. Performing with the @mi.mu.gloves at the EU Headquarters outside the European Parliament Chamber felt really significant, and was a huge honour. It was also (inevitably) a really complex security detail to navigate – wearing all that cyborg clobber sure raises eyebrows. Feels weird to be looking back post-Brexit, of course. And post-COVID. I used to fly all over the place at the drop of a hat. Simpler times. Sigh. #europe #eu #stilleuropean #brexit #brussels #mtf #mimugloves
I’m always working on something I can’t talk about, and I think it’s yawnfest when musicians post about stuff like “can’t say too much yet” so I don’t usually acknowledge anything – but here is one of those things, which I can now talk about! Phew.
So, this was complicated. While I was preparing for the huge SAGE Gateshead event, I was also in the studio recording for the new version of Drake Music’s Planted Symphony. It’s the busiest I’ve ever been, recording this and rehearsing the new show was… intense.
For me it was a really bittersweet opportunity: Lucy Hale, the composer behind this work, had apparently long wanted to work with me and the gloves. Tragically, she passed away from COVID in 2020. It was decided that a team would be assembled to finish the work, which is when I found out about Lucy’s ambitions to work with me. It was humbling, and obviously very sad.
This marks, I believe, the first time the MiMu Gloves have been used an ensemble instrument to play a score. Turning dots on a page into gestures and into music was not something I imagined would be possible; on piano middle C is where it always is, with gloves that’s meaningless. I had to design a whole method of playing. I’ve also never recorded remotely like this before, but it all felt very natural by the time I pressed the big red button. Recording the gloves, and pushing for the perfect take, was really fun. And really hard work.
I was small part of the puzzle, though. It was an amazing team, and Cassandra Gurling did an especially incredible job finishing the work and making the music happen. It sounds incredible, and I can’t wait for people to experience it.
Planted Symphony will tour as an interactive experience later this year; first run is in Milton Keynes, and more dates will be announced soon. I and many others from the team will be at as many dates as possible, so it would be lovely to meet some new faces on the road x
I’ve torn off the Band-Aid. I was sceptical about performing live via webcams and such – is it real enough? Thanks to the Disability Rights Utah for the opportunity! Mission accomplished.
So what was it like? Well… as most of you know, I’m primarily a live performer these days. I’ve played A LOT of shows, done a lot of performances, for literally thousands of people all over the world.
I’m also reasonably comfortable in front of the camera, having been able to work with amazing directors like Lee Cogswell & Josefa Torres. On the night my partner-in-crime and actual partner Nicci Craig handled the live shooting – no mean feat. We broadcast live via a GoPro, connected via the new GoPro Webcam feature. I was really keen to have a handheld look, and I think it turned out great.
But… it’s still a bit weird. It’s no substitute. I thought it would be like making a music video, but it isn’t really at all. There’s all the pressure of trying to get it right in one take, without the connection of an audience. The audience energy is half the show; I’m bringing just half of what happened, if that. Trying to nail a performance, in my garage, with my kids upstairs in bed… it’s a long way from the Kennedy Center.
I’m not complaining, and I’m grateful for the opportunity. It’s weird, but for now, it’s the best we have.
So it’s finally happening. I’ve resisted for a little while, but tonight I will be performing live online with the gloves. I’ve taken my time on this for lots of reasons, mostly just technical ones, but it’s time to try. I’ll be doing a very short appearance, just 1 song, for the Disability Rights Action Committee in Utah, who are celebrating the 30th anniversary of the American Disability Act today. It’s not the first time I have works with an organisation in the US for an ADA celebration event; I, as many of you will remember performed at the ADI celebrations in partnership with the VSA at the Kennedy Centre in Washington DC in 2017. That’s still my biggest gig to date.
Sadly, for obvious reasons, I won’t be there. I’ll be at home, live-linked in via Zoom. I’ll be performing at 20:15 UK Time. 13:15 in Utah. Head to the Facebook page Here>>>> THIS IS A LINK <<<< to watch!
I’m weirdly more nervous about this than a regular gig… The future is weird.
